As LGBT History Month draws to a close, I wanted to recognise what our people…Read more
How to make a perfect Christmas
Over the past few weeks we've been asking for your help on how to make the perfect Christmas. We've gone through all of your suggestions and found the most popular, so here's what you need for the perfect Christmas!
Thanks to everyone who gave us ideas for our perfect Christmas – we can now reveal what you need for a fantastic festive season.
Food: You told us your favourite Christmas food was pigs in blankets and roast potatoes. Sounds good, although we weren't sure about all those people who suggested they'd still have sprouts…
Drink: The alcohol drinkers among you favour a glass of Baileys with your Christmas meal while everyone else would like nothing more than a nice glass of coke.
Music: Once the food and drink are done, a lot of different Christmas songs'll be playing. The most popular though is Merry Christmas Everyone by Shakin' Stevens, closely followed by Fairytale of New York by The Pogues.
Jokes: We got lots of great Christmas jokes and couldn't narrow them down to just one! Here's all the jokes we received – let us know if you have a favourite in the comments below:
fardsmobile – knock knock. Who’s there? Old lady. Old lady who? Old laydee who who hoooo
Katie_CDSGlobal – What’s the difference between snowmen and snowomen? Snowballs!
MOMXW – Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the bad girls are
Dee Dmonte – What's the favourite wine at Christmas? I don't like sprouts!
Grannybiker Mse – What does santa do when he's cross? Go on an Elf kick
Grannybiker Mse – Why was the beach wet? Because the sea weed
Ellie Bee – Why are ducks happy at Christmas? Because they get to pull a quacker!
Charlie Pearce & EyunCrabb – How does King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan – crisp and even!
Kaz Ali-Richards – What's yellow and dangerous? Shark-infested custard.
Kaz Ali-Richards – Why was Santa's little helper so depressed? He had low elf esteem
Andrew Wyn Williams – What's Santas favourite breakfast cereal? CheriHo Ho Ho's
John Caskie – What do you call a guy with THREE eyes? Seymour!
Jacqui Isley – A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her".
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".
She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?"and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Done! They're coming for Christmas – and they're paying their own way."